Chokin’ on dust

I can’t help it, I’m the kind of girl who decides she wants a fringe and shears of inches of hair with the kitchen scissors, as demonstrated by last nights actions. I am making an important trip to New York next week and now I have a spanking new, slightly wonky, homemade fringe to take with me. I was trying to channel the hair goddess who is Zoey Deschanel…fail.

Highwater and I watched a bit of Robsessed last night (there was nothing on TV ok!) and I found myself shouting at the TV screen. I can’t imagine being Robert Pattinson for a number of reasons, to start with I’m not 23 year old guy, but mainly I don’t think i could stand having a bunch of nobodies and hacks commenting on my every move. Look, I’m doing it now, I don’t really know anything about the guy and here I am having my say. This supposed documentary was ridiculous, it played host to nothing but speculation and second hand stories. I am a big fan of the documentary genre but i found this to be a mockery of something which has been central to film since it’s inception. The ‘Actualities’, filmic slices of life by the Lumiere Brothers were the very first films to be exhibited and also the first documentaries.  I know that documentary occupies no fixed territory, that there is no one correct form, John Grierson said it is “The creative treatment of actuality”, but that is my very problem with Rob fucking sessed, it is not actuality, it is the he said she said of Heat magazine given credence on film. I digress I know but at heart I am still a nerdy film student and this film seriously angered me.

If you didn’t know already you might have realised from the above, I am passionate about film. I write about it a lot here probably because this is really my only outlet to discuss it these days. i have a good degree in film, I have been involved in making a film which went to Cannes, my thesis received the highest grade classification and now I work in property lettings, it’s a tough world.  I sound ungrateful I’m not, my current job has been a god send to me – what good are dreams when you are forced to live at your parents and claim unemployment benefit. I do however feel that what I want from life is slipping further and further away and that I am living in limbo, refusing to put down roots or let people past my walls because I know I am not where I want to be.

I am going to New York next week and when i get back some changes are coming.

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2 thoughts on “Chokin’ on dust

  1. I know exactly what you mean about dreams slipping away…unlike you I don’t really have a full idea of what I want to be but I do feel stuck and that my dreams of things I want to do are a bit elusive. however, I have been inspired recently and things are also gonna change for me 🙂

    • I don’t really know what I want to be, I have a specific area of interest though which I guess is a start. What has inspired you?
      x

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